Each day we are dreaming about our goals. Each day we are moving forward, step closer to the success. Sometimes we are so focused on our objectives that we don’t have time to think why we desire success. What is the reason? Do we really need it? Is it coming from the conscious or unconscious part of our mind?

I have a simple exercise for you, my friend. Don’t worry; it doesn’t require you to move away from screen and it will take no more than few minutes. Just relax and focus thoughts on your latest success you have achieved. It doesn’t have to be something really big and outstanding. A small success that you have recently experienced is absolutely enough. Okay, got it?

Imagine that achieving success is like a journey; sometimes it can be quite easy, sometimes really tough, can be also short or very long. Let’s figure out why you took this journey and what helped you to accomplish it.

Jump in your memories to the point where your journey began. Recall feelings and emotions connected to this moment. What was the reason you decided to set yourself this goal? How did you take your first step? While moving your thoughts on the path toward your goal, try to identify factors that motivated you and increased your energy to go forward. Look also for those who obstructed your journey. How did you cope with them? Finally, arrive to your destination point. What did you feel when you succeed? Were you truly happy or maybe disappointed as the goal didn’t bring you satisfaction and fulfillment?

Don’t worry if above questions was difficult for you. To help you answering them, I share with you the six main reasons, which I identify why we want to achieve success.

1. We want to achieve success because it is a part of our life plans.

Success is strongly related with our life plans. We can distinguish certain milestones in our plans, like graduating, getting a desired job, starting own business or new relationship. Achieving these milestones are successes for us. Each of these goals brings us positive feelings and emotions because we know that our life plans are fulfilling and that we are making visible progress.

2. We want the output related with certain success.

In many cases we want to experience benefits related with the achievement of a certain goal. In our minds, we have a strong association between these benefits and a state when we are successful. This association causes our success to be desirable and enjoyable.

3. We love the taste of winning.

Achieving success is a very positive experience also because it adds value to us and pumps our egos. Achieving success is like personal victory. People love winning. It is very natural. When two children play a game, each of them want to win. It is not important if there is any material prize. They don’t need any additional purpose. It is deep in our nature that we love the taste of winning.

4. We need stimulation.

Knowing that there is a purpose, a goal we want to achieve, it stimulates us to act. The more challenging goal, the stronger success feeling is related to it. This way, we can get a better motivation to achieve bigger goals and we get additional stimulus to self-improve, grow personally and learn to handle challenging goal.

5. We want to compensate lacks and failures from the past.

We all make mistakes. Failures are definitely not nice, but they are unavoidable in our lives and they should always provide valuable feedback. They also raise a strong force that will push us toward further goals. We lost, but in the end we want to win. This victory, preceded by many failures, can compensate all previous unpleasant experiences. This pattern is very often responsible for a reason why we want to achieve success.

6. We find success as a solution for our problems.

Enjoying success is a very positive experience. It can weaken influence of other, bad experiences in our life. We often find it easier to act in one direction, when we expect success, while we avoid handling different, unpleasant problems in our life. What is important is that we are often unaware of this mechanism as it mostly works on unconscious level.

Now, one more time ask yourself questions from the first part of this article. Is it easier now to answer them and identify your reasons?

I’m sure you have just achieved higher level of consciousness, as far as achieving success is concerned.

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You want to get rid the negativity and be brave in facing challenges in life, but you are not strong enough in spirituality and no one want to listen? If you are looking for a Life Coach to help and guide you, then you come to right place. My mission is to help my clients attain transformative change their lives and careers in order to achieve greater success, fulfilment and well-being. CLICK HERE and fill the form to book your slot for life coaching consultation.

The program can be conducted face-to-face or 100% online for those who are far from Kuala Lumpur. I am looking forward for the opportunity to work with you. You may visit my website at: www.shahalghazali.com

The pursuit of happiness seems to be a big deal. Bookshelves and magazines fill volumes with the topic. Even our founding fathers thought it rated a line in the Declaration of Independence. It is part of our natural instinct to pursue happiness. The same way we seek to experience physical pleasure and avoid physical pain, we seek emotional pleasure, and attempt to avoid emotional pain. Our emotional enjoyment, or what we can call happiness, is simply part of human nature.

How pervasive is the pursuit of happiness and emotional well being? It is one of the all encompassing motivations that people have once they meet their survival needs. Abraham Maslow pointed this out a long time ago in his hierarchy of needs. When a person is physically comfortable and no longer driven by fear of starving or freezing to death, emotional pleasure becomes a primary pursuit. Happiness may take many forms but it is the underlying motivator in most our decisions.

Even with a natural instinct, constitutional approval and our best efforts, it seems all too easy to create emotional chaos and unhappiness instead. How does this pursuit of happiness get so distorted and take us in the wrong direction at times? While it is easy to discern between the physical sensations of pleasure and pain, emotions are not always direct. We often have a layer of beliefs in the mind that tend to complicate our sense of enjoyment and pursuit of happiness.

Think about shopping for clothes. Unless we are buying a uniform or a necessary item, we generally buy clothes that we believe will enhance our appearance. When we believe that we look attractive, we feel happier. How we look is just a means to improve how we feel emotionally. We make purchases because we feel good, or assume we will feel good with that purchase. The assumed impact on emotions is the principle motivator behind our decisions.

When we buy a car we want to feel good about the purchase. Feeling good is the end result we seek but there are many paths to get there. One person may worry about safety concerns with children in the car. In order to feel better emotionally they buy a large SUV. Another person may have strong beliefs about the environment and feels better when they satisfy these beliefs. They might buy a hybrid car. A third person may be frugal with their money and think it’s stupid to pay full price for anything. Not wanting to fall into their own belief criteria of being stupid, they buy a used car. Each person’s means to feeling happy about their choice is a completely different path in car buying.

The pursuit of happiness, or feeling emotionally good about the choice, is the principle motivator that was met with three different means. Each person has different assumptions and beliefs they have to meet in order to get to that emotion. For these people it isn’t the car or the clothes that makes them happy. They feel better because they have satisfied the beliefs in the mind. Each person’s emotional happiness is behind a barrier of criteria. If they can meet the criteria in their mind they will reward themselves with pleasurable emotions, at least in the short run. Later, their beliefs may change and then they have to go shopping again.

For the SUV owner maybe it wasn’t so much about being happy as just keeping their fear based thoughts at bay with a bigger car. Remember that a large part of feeling good in the mind is about avoiding what we believe feels painful, or potentially painful. This includes using compensating strategies like a large car to keep emotionally painful fears and beliefs at a distance. Compensating strategies don’t eliminate the fear based beliefs, but people rely on them a lot to keep their fears managed.

Where do most people go to satisfy their pursuit of happiness? They try to satisfy the criteria in their mind that tells them what they have to do in order to feel good. That might also mean doing things to compensate for fears and beliefs of something painful happening. The end goal is happiness and all the beliefs, fears, assumptions, and perceptions in the mind dictate the path. You can find these beliefs hiding behind thoughts or comments like, “Ill be happy when…” or, “I would feel much better if..”

In the pursuit of physical enjoyment we get direct feedback. With emotional enjoyment we often have a barrier of beliefs and assumptions filtering our efforts.

Is there a problem in seeking happiness according to assumptions and beliefs? Not really, unless you have followed the criteria in the mind and your pursuit led to unhappiness. Is it possible that what our mind assumes will make us happy isn’t 100% accurate? Disillusioned career choices, broken hearted relationships, and mid-life crisis indicate that our assumptions about happiness often miss the mark. Most of what we have imbedded in our mind about what makes us happy and unhappy comes from other people or marketing agencies and doesn’t address our individual inspirations.

There are other problems with the approach of chasing the mental assumptions of what will make us happy. What happens when our mind tells us what we have to do to be happy but we haven’t met the mental criteria yet? Suppose we believe we will be so much happier if we lose 15 lbs. Our mind can set up the paradigm to be less happy with our body because we haven’t met the requirements for being happy yet. When we let our belief system determine the criteria for being happy, we also unconsciously define more reasons to be unhappy.

What if the mind’s criteria for feeling better emotionally are dependent on things we can’t control? Perhaps we want a promotion, or recognition at work. We can certainly do things to help our case but we can’t make someone promote us or appreciate us. Our mind now uses these external factors as justifications to conclude that we are not as happy as we could be. We end up unhappy because we can’t change external circumstances. If we don’t change the criteria in our mind we miss our opportunity for happiness.

Our pursuit to feeling better and happier has turned into a struggle to get recognized and promoted. Not because it will really make us happier directly, but because our belief system has set this as the means to an emotional end. We might very well get the promotion, a raise, and recognition only to find out we are not filled with joy. Our pursuit of happiness has turned into a pursuit of assumptions in our belief system. The problem here is that we bought into our false beliefs as being true.

If we aren’t aware of how belief structures limit happiness we are likely to try and change external factors in order to be happy. Trying to change factors we can’t control can lead to us feeling frustrated and powerless.

Achieving and creating happiness generally isn’t accomplished the way the mind thinks it happens. Some people are able to pursue their assumptions and satisfy their belief system in their mind. They consider this success and feel good about their accomplishment. This doesn’t work for everyone. Some people are able to feel happy by satisfying their beliefs. But then their beliefs change and they end up chasing new assumptions thinking it will make them feel better. After a while they get tired of the chase or disheartened because the happiness is not lasting. Some people attempt to satisfy the beliefs in their mind all their life and still never feel fulfilled. Maybe their mind moves the target before they get there. Or maybe, just maybe, there is a greater happiness and fulfillment to be experienced than just satisfying criteria in the mind or compensating for its fears.

The pursuit of happiness is real. It is an authentic and natural desire of our nature. For those that feel a deep emotional yearning, simply meeting the criteria of beliefs about what is supposed to make us feel good doesn’t satisfy this yearning. At a deeper level it becomes about the heart’s desire, or satisfying something at the level of the soul. Answering these desires is much more meaningful and emotionally fulfilling than satisfying the beliefs in the mind.

To create, and live in authentic happiness, you will need to learn not to blindly chase the false beliefs in the mind. You will have to pay closer attention to the end goal of emotion and not jump after the first idea the mind offers as a means to get there. When we go after happiness by satisfying the belief system we have taken our eye off the goal and become attached to assumptions and beliefs in the mind.

A new car, clothes, or losing 15 lbs is just a means to an emotion based on a belief. A belief can change and then the emotion shifts. When you don’t have a handle on your beliefs, becoming happy is a moving target that is likely to get away from you.

The pursuit of happiness is a part of our personal constitution and make up as a living being. It is every human’s birthright and it is within every person’s possibility to achieve. To be successful in your pursuit of happiness you will need to dissolve the assumptions and criteria in the mind that interfere with authentic happiness.

In this article I’ve covered what doesn’t make for lasting happiness. In our pursuit of happiness it is important to recognize which paths are illusions and dead ends. A completely different approach to being happy is to create happiness.

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You want to get rid the negativity and be brave in facing challenges in life, but you are not strong enough in spirituality and no one want to listen? If you are looking for a Life Coach to help and guide you, then you come to right place. My mission is to help my clients attain transformative change their lives and careers in order to achieve greater success, fulfilment and well-being. CLICK HERE and fill the form to book your slot for life coaching consultation.

The program can be conducted face-to-face or 100% online for those who are far from Kuala Lumpur. I am looking forward for the opportunity to work with you. You may visit my website at: www.shahalghazali.com

Attend To Your Own Personal Development.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves.”  – Gary Vaynerchuk.

It was the Malaysian author and speaker, Irfan Khairi, who said: “Most people want to change the world to improve their lives, but the world they need to change first is the one inside themselves.”

Everyone has an opinion on what is wrong with the world, yet few will do the work to improve their own lives. It is easy to draw attention to what is wrong in the world because on one level it is frustrating to observe these conditions and stand back while they take place. I often remind myself and others, the world has existed for more than 4 billion years and is much older and wiser than us. We have existed for a minor part in that timeline and conditions weren’t always ideal, in fact history shows conditions were less than idyllic. So, a Utopian paradise needn’t exist for us to be happy. We can still thrive despite the unrest in the world because outside conditions aren’t as bad as you think they are. If you want to change reality start with yourself first and attend to your own personal development. In doing so, problems give way to solutions and no longer affect you.

Raise Your Level Of Consciousness.

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” – Mother Teresa.

Most people are frustrated or angry with circumstances beyond their control. They believe if they can control these situations they will be happy. Sometimes it is not possible since there are too many things to control. It requires redesigning your life to suit you, or playing God, neither of which are possible. It is simpler to attend to your own personal development. So when you feel frustrated, angry or any other disempowering state, become curious and work on that part of you that is at war with reality. It is futile trying to change conditions out there because life is constantly changing. It is like trying to keep plates spinning on a stick while more plates are added. You cannot keep up and they will eventually come crashing down. It makes sense to work on yourself so that outside conditions no longer affect you as they once did. This is the key to enlightenment, raising your level of consciousness so you transcend problems with a higher awareness.

Albert Einstein recognized this principle when he said: “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

Consider the following example, highlighting why you must attend to your own personal growth if you want to change the world. Imagine 100 people who constantly complain about the state of the world. One day they collectively decide they’ve had enough and undertake personal development to change their lives. Within months, they have stopped whining and are now open to embracing life instead of being mired in their problems. They act from a place of love, peace and joy. You’ve heard it said, you are the sum of the five people you most associate with. Therefore, if 100 people can influence five others, we now have 500 people who are now more self-aware than before. If that cycle continues, a tipping point will occur so that anger and fear no longer prevail. Now I am not naïve and know this Utopian reality will not miraculously emerge overnight if at all within the coming decade. Yet, undertaking personal development will not only help you, but influence those around you. I have seen evidence of this with my family and friends and those I’ve coached. You change the world not by pointing out what is wrong with it, but by upgrading your model of reality to coincide with what you wish to see in the world.

It’s an inside-out job.

“You don’t have to change the world. You just have to change what you pay attention to in the world. And that, it turns out, is hugely powerful,” affirms Napoleon Hill in his book, THINK & GROW RICH, who’s also an author of The Law of Success.

Upgrade Your Model Of Reality.

“You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world.” – Woodrow Wilson.

It was Dato’ Dr. Haji Mohd Fadzilah Kamsah, a well-known motivator who said: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” He knew change must first take place from within and has a ripple effect in the lives of others. If that change is powerful enough, it will gather momentum to affect the whole of humanity.

I admit, it is difficult to focus on what is right in the world when we are governed by our internal state which gets the better of us. The media add to the negativity by reporting bad news to promote fear, and it becomes challenging to break the spell. I often succumb to these disempowering states at times, so it is remiss of me to offer the advice and claim not to feel this way. Yet, through my own personal development, I’ve come to appreciate these are fleeting states and I don’t remain stuck in this condition for long. Awareness has taught me that what I focus on builds momentum and becomes integrated into my reality. So the advice is clear and simple: be aware when you are pointing the finger outside of you. Go within and attend to that part of you that is inclined to judge outside circumstances as bad. Heal yourself first by integrating your shadow self and be mindful of your thoughts leading you down a path of negativity. If you do this often, you will break the cycle of incessant thinking that dictates there is something wrong with the world. It is worth the effort to your personal growth. Eventually, problems that once consumed you will no longer affect you because you have upgraded your model of reality to coincide with a new awareness.

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If you ask anyone whether they want to succeed in their life, the most common answer would be “Why not, It’s what I desire”. You would hardly find anyone who thinks otherwise. The next questions you encounter would be, “What is Success?, How to define it?”. In simpler terms, success is the achievement of something that you intend. For some people success means achieving whatever they dream. For many it is the name, fame, ego, power, social acceptance and money.

We all are big dreamers-fighting dreamers. We grow with various dreams. Some of them would have come true and some won’t. We have failed many times while achieving our dreams but should we give up? Just think a little.. When you were a child, you must have fallen down thousands of times while trying to stand and walk. If you have given up at that time, will you be able to walk today? Obviously you wouldn’t. Therefore, never regret failing during life. Always we should be positive and try hard to achieve success in life.

I remember a motto which I live with, that is, “Failures are the pillars of success.” Failure doesn’t mean that we have wasted our time, it does mean that we have a reason to start over. Failure doesn’t mean that we will not be able to make it, it does mean that we need more commitment. Failure doesn’t mean that we have lost everything, it does mean that we missed a turn. Simply, failures will provide you the extra bit of motivation and urge you to be more committed to achieve the intended result of your journey, which is to be successful.

To be successful in life, we have to satisfy certain key aspects. Firstly, knowing your limits is the most important among them. Limits are the boundaries in your life which you could not overcome. For instance, if you are a blind person, you cannot drive a car. But on the other hand there are so called obstacles in our lives. Many of us think that they mean the same, which is not. Obstacles could be overcome with commitment. In practice limits are few whereas obstacles are many. What we have to do is, identify our limits, differentiate them with obstacles and start out journey towards success.

The second aspect would be having a proper plan to overcome obstacles and achieve success. The plan has to be developed based on your strengths and the nature of your goal. During this stage, believing in yourself is vital as it would make your life easier. You should build up self-confidence. And the final step is the proper execution of your plan. You should identify and predict the possible interruptions that you would face during your journey. One good way to overcome such incidents is having contingency planning. During the execution process, as mentioned above, you might face plenty of problems, failures and losses. But to be successful in life, these issues should be accepted with intelligence and one should learn from them and emerge as an even better individual.

Now it is time to pay more attention to my caption. It says “Success is a Journey, Not a Destination”. Does it make sense? What are the differences between journey and a destination? Are they alike or differ?

We could simply differentiate destination as a narrower path compared to journey. The main feature of a destination is that it has a pre-defined end point. But do we have something like that in our lives?. One could argue with me, that he or she has a goal in their lives and the achievement of it, is the destination. Then comes the question, What will they do after that? Are they done with their lives? Obviously they will set another goal, which is harder to achieve and has more value than the previous one. Now their destination changes and they begin to walk in another path. They are striving hard to achieve goal by goal until they die.

Therefore, no one in the world could predict exactly what they want in their lives. So, that’s why I have mentioned that the “Success of life doesn’t have a clear destination, but, it’s a non-ending journey.”

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You want to get rid the negativity and be brave in facing challenges in life, but you are not strong enough in spirituality and no one want to listen? If you are looking for a Life Coach to help and guide you, then you come to right place. My mission is to help my clients attain transformative change their lives and careers in order to achieve greater success, fulfilment and well-being. CLICK HERE and fill the form to book your slot for life coaching consultation.

The program can be conducted face-to-face or 100% online for those who are far from Kuala Lumpur. I am looking forward for the opportunity to work with you. You may visit my website at: www.shahalghazali.com

Creating an entirely “new” you can be incredibly challenging, but if you feel you aren’t living up to your potential and think your life is currently on the wrong path, a drastic amount of positive change might be the best thing for you. Changing yourself completely requires honest reflection about your ideal self and current weaknesses. Set short and long term goals to reach your ideal, then find role models who will help guide you along the way and periodically self-evaluate your goals to stay on the right track.

Understanding the Change.

1. Figure out if this is what you want. As simple as that, ask yourself, “Do I want to make this change.” In order to make such a drastic change, you need to be sure that you truly desire it. Think about every aspect of your life and if you’re willing to change them.

• Evaluate the direction of your life.
• Understand that the activities of your life might have to change.
• Be realistic about what it will take to get the consequences you desire.
• If you don’t honestly believe you can to change all of these things, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

2. Figure out if it is possible. Now that you know you want to change, you need to find out if you can change. Sit down and decide if you have everything you need to make a serious life change.

• You need the ability to change.
• You need the tools to change.
• You need the time to change.
• You need the right support to change.

3. Be honest about yourself. You may think you’re being honest with yourself about your characteristics. If you’re portraying someone completely different than you believe you are, you’ll never understand what’s standing in your way.

• Ask your peers what they think about you. If it doesn’t match up with your perspective of yourself, you aren’t being honest.
• Evaluate the choices you make throughout the day and why you make them. When you do this, you’ll see that the reasoning behind your choices is what got you where you are. In order to change yourself completely, you’ll have to form your choices behind new reasoning.
• For example, when you choose to stay in versus meeting friends, evaluate why you chose this and what it says about you.

4. Write down your outcome. Make an end goal for this process and write it down. Make it a measurable goal. It can have multiple parts to it, or it can be a big picture goal. Either way, put the written goal somewhere you can see every day to keep you motivated.

Find Some Role Models.

1. Learn from the best. A role model can be absolutely anyone: younger, older, friend, relative, stranger, or celebrity. Find someone who genuinely embodies the pure person you want to be. Maybe one person dresses like you want to and one person acts like you want to. You can use those pieces of each person to get inspiration from.

• If it is someone you know, set up a meeting to pick their brain. Find out how they do what they do.
• If it is someone you don’t know, do some research. Find out everything you can about them and see what you can do to emulate their characteristics in your everyday life.

2. Associate with the right people. Even better than finding your role models is surrounding yourself by positive people. When you sit in someone’s presence, you have much more of an ability to model how they act. Find people that have similar goals as you, or people that have already reached your goals, and spend time with them.

• For example, if you wish to become more outgoing, surround yourself with outgoing people. If you wish to be more financially successful, spend time with the people who have financial success.
• Avoid people that will negatively influence your change. If you’re trying to live a healthier lifestyle, it is very hard to be around someone that lives a sedentary lifestyle and eats fast food for every meal.

3. Get an accountability partner. An accountability partner is someone who keeps you on track. In return, you can help keep them on track. It should be someone that you can be in touch with any time that you’re having difficulty. Also, you should set up weekly meetings with them (via phone or in person) to talk about your progress.

• Making your role model into your accountability partner would be a great idea. They know what it takes to get what you want, and they can help you better than anyone.

Make Tangible Goals.

1. Set daily/weekly goals. You have a “big picture goal,” now you need to make smaller ones. Every goal you make should be a step toward your outcome. It should also be tangible, or measurable. Make your accountability partner aware of these goals.

• “Be a nicer person,” is not a tangible goal. Change it to, “Perform 2 nice things for strangers every day.
• Don’t make a goal saying, “Workout more.” Make it tangible by saying, “Workout 4 times a week.”.

2. Adjust your goals. If you’re having difficulty reaching your goals, feel free to switch them up. Don’t use this as a cop out, but you need realistic goals or you’ll get upset and never accomplish the change. If you fail to reach your goal once, don’t automatically adjust them. Sit with your accountability partner and talk about if you really tried everything that you could to reach your goal. If you did and it was still unreachable, come up with a new goal together.

• For example, if you’re trying to start studying more and you made a goal to study 6 hours a day, you might have trouble doing so because of school or work schedules. Change your goal to be 4 hours a day and attempt to reach that.

3. Accept success and keep moving forward. Take a moment to realize every little success you have. Each time you reach a goal, you’re getting close to your outcome. This is a great thing to have happen. However, don’t get complacent when this happens. Take the time to appreciate it and stay driven toward your next goal.

Evaluate Your Changes.

1. Recognize when you reach your outcome. When you’ve completely changed, you may not notice it at first. However, if you take the time to sit down and look at the end goal that you wrote when you decided to change, you might surprise yourself. All the little changes have become a part of you and you’ve completely changed yourself.

2. Make new goals. Don’t stop here. Use this success as motivation to drive yourself to become a better version of the person you’ve become. Just as you did before, make a big picture goal and then break it into daily or weekly goals. You’ve likely become a goal oriented person through this change, so keep it up.

• For example, if you were aiming to change the way you look, make goals to stay focused on this. Tell yourself to go shopping once a season and buy 2 brand new outfits.

3. Stay in touch with your accountability partner. This will help keep you from regressing. Continue to share with them all of your little goals as well as your new, bigger ones.

• Offer to help them with their goals moving forward. Show appreciation for the help they’ve given you and offer it back.

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You want to get rid the negativity and be brave in facing challenges in life, but you are not strong enough in spirituality and no one want to listen? If you are looking for a Life Coach to help and guide you, then you come to right place. My mission is to help my clients attain transformative change their lives and careers in order to achieve greater success, fulfilment and well-being. CLICK HERE and fill the form to book your slot for life coaching consultation.

The program can be conducted face-to-face or 100% online for those who are far from Kuala Lumpur. I am looking forward for the opportunity to work with you. You may visit my website at: www.shahalghazali.com

There’s a quote saying:

“Today, you have the opportunity to transcend from a dis-empowered mindset of existence to an empowered reality of purpose-driven living. Today is a new day that has been handed to you for shaping. You have the tools, now get out there and create a masterpiece.”

At the heart of this quote, you will find that regardless of what is currently happening in your life, the way you perceive your life is what makes you happy or unhappy.

If negative assumptions or beliefs are consuming you, then you will be unhappy. On the other hand, if you have a positive mindset (even in when navigating tough times), then you will be happy. Ultimately, perception is your reality, so changing the way you look at your life can make the difference.

But how can you know when your mindset is faulty? It can be hard to tell when the negative thoughts are outside yourself or inside your psyche. That’s part of the problem with a negative mindset, it clouds your judgment.

1. You are constantly focusing on what’s wrong.

Do you always find yourself fixating on your worries and disappointments, but never thinking about the things that are actually going your way? This is a sure sign that your mindset is contaminated with negativity. There may be a lot of bad things happening right now, but odds are there are at least some aspects of your life that are in good shape.

Taking time to be thankful for those things is important, because it helps to keep the bad from completely overwhelming your perspective. If you become blind to the good things, you may lose them, or not use them to your advantage.

2. You mourn your failures but forget to celebrate your victories.

“The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow.”

This is closely related to the sign above. Do you find yourself feeling angry and despondent whenever you suffer a loss, but glossing over your victories? When you do not take the time to celebrate the moment when something goes your way, it is because on a conscious or unconscious level, you do not believe in your victory. You believe underneath it is concealing the seeds of failure.

When you do this, you continuously are sending yourself a very negative message. You believe that you will always fail, and that you cannot celebrate victories because they are all just future failures in disguise. This is a really poor way to live your life, because not only do you miss out on all of life’s precious, beautiful moments, but you spit on life itself, and on your own ingenuity, luck, and achievements.

“But I don’t want to take anything for granted,” you might reply. That is a good thing, but there is a third path, and that is gratitude. Remember, constantly casting doubts on your victories is as ungrateful as taking them for granted, because it isn’t a real acknowledgment of them.

Believe you are capable of real victory. Some things do last.

3. You don’t want to face the truth.

Complaining about reality is not going to change it. You can rage all day about the rain clouds, but it is not going to bring out the sun. It is good to have a sense of justice, to appreciate what things should be.

But in a way, relentlessly complaining is a refusal to acknowledge and accept the truth. There are simply some things you cannot change. Not everything is under your control. And there is no bigger mistake than refusing to see the world for what it is, because that is the point where you can no longer tell fact from fiction.

Take action to change the things that you can. Speak the truth when you see an injustice, but accept that the world will never be fair, as much as maybe it should be. Until you can accept that fact and change your mindset, it will never be realistic, and you will always be plagued by resentment that your expectations are not being met.

4. You feel angry when your expectations are not met.

This leads directly to another red flag. If you are constantly finding that the world or people in your life or even you yourself are not meeting your expectations, it most likely means your expectations are unrealistic to begin with. Our expectations are a huge part of our mindset. They are what we believe to be possible or necessary.

Expectations lay the groundwork for our experiences. If we have unrealistically high expectations, nothing ever satisfies us. For example, if you set out after college expecting to be a millionaire by age 30 and you find yourself nowhere near that benchmark by age 25, you will probably be pretty miserable. But are you really miserable because you are not a millionaire, or because you have not achieved what you expected to by that age?

This all comes back to seeing the world as it truly is. Maybe you are gifted and ambitious, and maybe in a perfect world, you would have your first million by now. But we do not live in a perfect world, and with all the gifts and ambition in the world, you cannot control every factor. That is why it is important to adjust our mindsets to survive and thrive in such a world.

5. You feel unsatisfied and unhappy with everything you have (or don’t have).

The downside of ambition is that it often blinds us to the wonderful things and people we already have in our life. Maybe you want a bigger home or a more expensive car, but can you remember when you didn’t even have the home or car you have now? Maybe you wish you had more friends, while disregarding the value in the friends you have now.

There is always more to strive for, but for this reason, more can never truly satisfy us. It always leaves a hole that is impossible to fill.

“You will never stop wanting more until you allow yourself to have what you already have. To take it in. Savor it. Now is a good time to do that.”

6. You find yourself regularly coming to blows with the people you care about.

If you are constantly disagreeing with the people you love, it is a good sign that your mindset may need some work, especially if you trust those people and respect and value their opinions. Your arguments with them may reflect more on you than on them. Try to see where they are coming from, it could change your mind for the better.

7. You think about what you “have to” do instead of what you “get to” do.

When you find yourself viewing everything as an inconvenience instead of as a welcome opportunity, it usually means that you are no longer appreciating what you have. “I have to do all this work,” is a tempting statement when you are tired, but you get to do all that work. Not everyone does!

Work feeds you and keeps you alive, and keeps the enjoyable things in your life accessible. So remember to appreciate your work, even when it feels burdensome!

8. You see yourself as a victim.

The problem with seeing yourself as a victim doesn’t come from the fact that it is necessarily inaccurate, sometimes you really have been victimized by bad people or unfortunate circumstances. However, constantly viewing yourself as the victim does not empower you to change or build a better life for yourself. Even if you were the victim, overcome this low self-esteem by making a decision to reject that role and start creating something better. You deserve it!

9. You hold onto the dramas of other people.

Sometimes, the negative mindsets we find ourselves struggling with do not reflect us so much as they reflect the messages we have received throughout our lives. Maybe your parents told you that you shouldn’t pursue your passions, or maybe you had a negative partner in your past who made you feel you were never good enough.

If the dramas inside your head sound familiar and you catch echoes of voices that are not yours, it may be time to let them go. Those dramas belong to those other people and reflect their judgments and perceptions, not yours.

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Resilience. It’s the secret ingredient to success. If you can figure out how to stay the course and get back in the game after failure, you’ll go places and you’ll make the difference you were intended to make.

The truth is, most people that we revere spent more time down for the count than they did in the fight itself. The list is endless, but here are a couple that quickly come to mind. Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times before he created the light bulb. Richard Branson dropped out of school at 15. His prospects looked grim at that point, don’t you think? And yet he became one of the leading businesspeople on the planet. He’s also battled dyslexia over the years, with all of the struggles associated with it.